trampled down avenues of my soul. {a journey.}

a week ago, i woke up in a town that i love, to a day of no responsibilities and no where in particular that i needed to be. i can’t even begin to think about the last day where i didn’t have meetings or appointments or a deadline or an email to send. i had one agenda that day, and that was to turn my phone off, turn my music up, roll my windows down, and drive.

after driving up a familiar mountain and a 2 hour visit with my grandparents at the top, i set off to my destination: nowhere. with a tank full of gas, and a beautiful day ahead of me, i put my foot on the pedal and got to it.

i thought about a lot as i headed down some unfamiliar terrain. as the sunlight poured in through the windshield and the melodies of my playlist made their way in my ears and out of my mouth, i found comfort, and rest. some answers, and peace.

i thought about the good people in my life who take the time to encourage me, and build me up, and really care about my heart and who i am. i thought about the future, and the steps i’m taking now to prepare my heart for who and for what is to come in my life. i thought about some people that i miss… some who are in heaven, some who are here on earth but aren’t as close to me as i wish they could be, and i forgave them for that. i thought about the breath in my lungs, and thanked the Creator who put it there, and i turned the music off just to be able to listen and feel myself breathe… because for the first time in a long time, i felt like i finally could.

and somewhere in the midst of all that, i got lost.

it doesn’t happen often. i’d like to think that i have a pretty good sense of direction, and when i don’t, i have a GPS on my phone to resort to. and in this instance, on this particular day, i didn’t have cell phone service where i was, and even if i did, it wouldn’t have mattered, because i turned my phone off and didn’t have plans to turn it back on. i was lost, and i could have cared less.

so i kept driving, with literally only the brains in my head and the adventure in my heart telling me which way to go. and as the places i’d never seen before came into view, i conquered some things in my heart that i hadn’t had a chance to be honest with. and i trampled down some avenues of my soul that i’d been stuffing down and saying “later” to. later was now, and there was no better time to buckle up and face it all.

the time on the clock didn’t matter. the needle on the speedometer wavered back and forth as my tires met country road after country road after country road. and i thought about where i am in life now, and how different it is from any other place that i’ve been before, and how i haven’t been as welcoming to that as i probably should be. and i thought about certain people in my life, and how i take them for granted, and how i probably don’t give them back the best that they always give me. and my heart took me on a journey through some “backroads” as i found my way through the backroads of a place on this earth that i love.

and i think in those moments i found what i was looking for on that day where i didn’t have an agenda. i found that i need to take more time to reflect, and to be honest with myself, and take the opportunities that life hands me to be real and to experience joy and work through the hard things and not just stuff them down and say “later”.

i will always remember that day. i will always have a vision in my head of how the sun came gleaming down through the trees and how it’s light infiltrated my heart and met me exactly where i was. lost.

or not.

so i might have been literally lost, but in actuality, i wasn’t lost at all. i was in a place that i hadn’t been in a very long time. and sometimes that’s what we have to do in order to find ourselves. we have to let it all go, and put your foot to the pedal, and drive.

things change and life goes on and time doesn’t wait for us to figure anything out… it just moves and hopes that we can find ourselves along the way. life happens and memories are created and we can treasure them, but don’t let the looking back keep you from the forward motion of a Savior that is carrying you to something beautiful.

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you’re in every song i sing.

i just asked a friend if it was possible to miss someone that you’ve never met.

her answer: YES. YES. YES. YES.

and all i wanna do with that assurance is write.
and push some paint around a canvas and create something.
and take pictures that i can frame.
and drive.