crosswalks, street lights and going for it.

yesterday was one of those days where all i wanted to do was leave the office behind, crawl under my yellow and grey cotton comforter and hide. from everything.

so after work i met up with some of the best people that i will ever know, and they helped me take my mind off of everything weighing me down. 2 bottles of wine, a 6 block walk, a delicious dinner led to some great conversations and made me realize that it’s not so bad after all. the things that happen in life that make me want to run away and hide, are nothing compared to the joy that i’ve found from doing life with these people.

so after dinner, a walk back down the streets of the fan, a cuddle/talk session with a girl that i appreciate so much, and some laughs with the boys, i found myself walking back to my car with one of my best friends.

we stood and talked for a while about a lot of things… about something that he’s pursuing, and something that i’m trying to avoid. some things that are changing in his life, and some things that i want to change in mine.

and the whole time we stood there, i couldn’t see him.

all i could see, was this picture that was i was building without him even knowing it.

a moment in time that i didn’t want to forget. not because of who i was standing there with, but because of how awesome Richmond looked painted behind him.

and i kept thinking, i really should just take out my camera, and capture this.

“what if i move a little bit to the left? i could get the streetlight and the crosswalk at the same time that the traffic light turns green.”

“i could shadow him out, and have everything else lit up all crazy and cool.”

“gosh, it would have been neat to have captured that bike rider and catch the light from his reflectors.”

and don’t get me wrong, i was participating in the conversation. i really did genuinely care about what he was saying, but i couldn’t shake it.

and i didn’t do it.

i didn’t capture that moment, and i wish i had.

i think a lot of time my head and my heart relies too much on “what was”. the memories. the things that i’ve been through and the people that i’ve met and the times that we’ve shared.

and that’s not a bad thing.

i just don’t want my past, to consume me.

i don’t want to not be excited for what could be coming down the pike, because i’m so consumed with what has already happened. and the things that i’ve already done. and the places that i’ve already seen. and the people that i’ve already met.

but a moment like that, i should have pushed the button.

i should have gone for it.

so here it is, from here on out. i’m jumping. i’m letting go with reckless abandon and i’m living it.

i’m not just going to talk about it anymore.

i’m going to capture the images that strike me… even if it means stopping a conversation for a brief second. or pulling over on the side of the road. or looking like a fool.

i’m going for it.

literally and figuratively.

whatever it is…

bring it on!

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mindless question answering. trust/love.

i had a great weekend at a friend’s wedding this past weekend. it put a lot of things into perspective for me, and i’m grateful for my college friend who are some of the best people in my life. it’s so nice to be able to come together for celebrations in life, and we don’t get to to do it often enough. i can’t help but think about how much i miss bluefield in those times where i miss the crew that i met there. we lived life together. we discovered ourselves, we fell in love, we had some hurts along the way, and now we’re spread out all over the place and we only get to see each other a couple times a year. we used to spend every waking moment together. my apartment door was always unlocked, and our living room was always filled with our friends… playing wii, or board games, or just relaxing and enjoying our time together. i hate always saying “remember when…”, but i’m grateful for these people who helped me realize who i really am, and who i really have in my life. those people are my best friends. they know me better than i know myself sometimes, and i’m so thankful for the times that we do get to spend together. even if it’s just one night, in a hotel ballroom for a wedding reception that was SO much fun!

church on sunday night was exactly what i needed. our pastor talked about trust, and love, and threw out the idea of what if we replaced the word love in the phrase “i love you” with the word “trust”.

i wonder how that would change things for the people uttering those words, and for the ones who are hearing it. i’ve thought about that a lot this week. those words aren’t necessarily interchangeable with the same definition… you can love someone but not trust them. you can trust someone and not love them… but when they work together hand in hand, it’s usually a beautiful symphony. my heart is growing from that thought, and i’ve realized some big things about my own life… things i need to open my eyes to, and change.

and it’s coming. and it’s happening.

and i’ll be better for it.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:42. always even numbers!
2. How do you like your steak? medium rare. always. no exceptions.
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema: crazy stupid love.
4. What is your favorite TV show? grey’s anatomy.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? north carolina… near the beach… obx.
6. What did you have for breakfast? a fruit smoothie.
7. What is your favorite food? spaghetti… any form of it.
8. Foods you dislike? ricotta cheese, cauliflower, and hot dogs.
9. Favorite place to eat? any “cook on your table” restaurant or seafood places at the beach.
10. Favorite dressing? honey mustard.
11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? silver nissan xterra πŸ™‚
12. What are your favorite clothes? college hoodies and rainbows.
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? fiji.
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? it’s both πŸ™‚
15. Where would you want to retire? OBX… hands down.
16. Favorite time of day? anytime i’m spending time with people i love πŸ™‚
17. Where were you born? RVA.
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? i’m not picky. i just love sports.
19. What is your favorite fragrance? honeysuckle… or the ocean!
20. What is your favorite ice cream? i’m a lactard… ice cream is NOT my thing.
21. Favorite starbucks drink? passion tea lemonade, or iced white chocolate mocha with soy and no whip.
22. People watcher? absolutely yes.
23. Are you a morning or night person? both.
24. Do you have any pets? sure don’t.
25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share? i can’t wait to go to the bay this weekend!
26. What did you want to be when you were little? i really don’t remember.
27. What is your favorite memory? anytime spent with my best friends from college. they’re amazing.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? dog!
29. Are you married? not yet.
30. Always wear your seat belt? absolutely yes.
31. Been in a car accident? fender bender (knock on wood) that wasn’t my fault.
32. Any pet peeves? yes- when people don’t use their turn signals.
33. Favorite pizza toppings? bacon, lettuce, EXTRA avocado. YUM.
34. Favorite flower? not picky… i just don’t care for roses.
35. Favorite sports team? Virginia Tech Hokies, THE Ohio State Buckeyes. Richmond Spiders. Redskins. Cubs.
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? COOKOUT.
37. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? none!
38. From whom did you get your last email? someone from work.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? homegoods. hobby lobby. IKEA. old navy.
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Saturday night was pretty fun… and spontaneous… in some ways…
41. Like your job? love it.
42. Broccoli? well done from outback.
43. What was your favorite vacation? OBX last summer with my college gang. we had a BALLIN house!
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Jess Brokaw in Bluefield.
45. What are you listening to right now? “good life” onerepublic.
46. What is your favorite color? orange.
47. How many tattoos do you have? 2. on my feet. they’re pretty meaningful.
48. coffee drinker? i don’t have to have it to survive, but i had a salted caramel mocha this morning πŸ™‚

just love me.

A. age :: twenty.five.

B. bed size :: full. it’s fine for now…

C. chore you hate :: putting away clean clothes.

D. dogs :: i don’t have one right now… and that’s fine with me… life’s too busy for that right now.

E. essential start to your day :: quickmix on pandora while straightening my hair.

F. favorite color :: orange.

G. gold or silver :: SILVER.

H. height :: five.seven.

I. instruments you play :: none. but i want to learn guitar… teach me?

J. job title :: administrative support – development – university of richmond.

K. kids :: none yet. hopefully they’re in the future, though πŸ™‚

L. live :: R.I.C.H.M.O.N.D!

M. maiden name :: mitchell πŸ™‚

N. nicknames :: oh lord… Jenn, JMitch (said Jay-Mitch and Juh-Mitch… take your pick…), Jennafin, Jeffiner, Precious JEM… I’m sure there are many more that I’m missing…

O. overnight hospital stays :: when I was born, and when I stepped on a nail in 4th grade… I was in this hospital for 4 days.

P. pet peeve :: when people don’t use their turn signals.

Q. quote :: “it’s a living book, this life;
it folds out in a million settings,
cast with a billion beautiful characters…
and so my hope is that your story will have involved
some leaving and some coming home,
some summer and some winter,
some roses blooming out like children in a play.
my hope is your story will be about changing,
about getting something beautiful born inside of you,
about learning to love about moving yourself around water,
around mountains, around friends,
about learning to love others more than we love ourselves.
we get one story, you and i, and one story alone.
it would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?”
– Donald Miller

R. righty or lefty :: righty!

S. siblings :: one sister… melissa carole.

T. time you wake up :: it depends… usually 6:45.

U. university attended :: Bluefield COLLEGE.

V. vegetables you dislike: onions.
W. what makes you run late :: life.

X. x-rays you’ve had :: oh lord… i’ve had a million. my wrist, my ankle, my jaw, my finger…

Y. yummy food :: mom’s carbonara pasta, Chicken Tikka Masala, SweetFrog, and anything Lebanese… πŸ™‚

Z. zoo animal favorite :: Z E B R A S.

break.

“And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes…” – Two Hands by Jars of Clay

i hear this song differently every time.

maybe it’s because my life is constantly changing.

maybe it’s because i’m thinking differently about things.

maybe it’s because i’ve decided to let go, and let God.

maybe it’s because i really need both of my hands to be doing the same thing.

i can’t sit here and long for something, and dream about something, and pray about something,

and never change it. or never take the first step to fulfill those desires.

so i think this is the shift in my heart that i’ve needed for a long time.

and i’m going to start a conversation about this new development with a friend tomorrow at lunch.

and i’m going to start listening to my heart, and listening to my God, and really start passionately pursuing what it is that He’s calling me to do.

even if it’s scary.

my one word for this year is fearless.

[i don’t think that’s a coincidence.]

and i’m going to start seeking out opportunities.

and i’m going to do what it takes.

and i’m excited.

and i’m nervous.

and i’m ready.

“And it feels like giving in
It feels like starting over
It feels like waking up, and you know it’s coming
It feels like a brand new day
Open your eyes…”