yesterday was one of those days where all i wanted to do was leave the office behind, crawl under my yellow and grey cotton comforter and hide. from everything.
so after work i met up with some of the best people that i will ever know, and they helped me take my mind off of everything weighing me down. 2 bottles of wine, a 6 block walk, a delicious dinner led to some great conversations and made me realize that it’s not so bad after all. the things that happen in life that make me want to run away and hide, are nothing compared to the joy that i’ve found from doing life with these people.
so after dinner, a walk back down the streets of the fan, a cuddle/talk session with a girl that i appreciate so much, and some laughs with the boys, i found myself walking back to my car with one of my best friends.
we stood and talked for a while about a lot of things… about something that he’s pursuing, and something that i’m trying to avoid. some things that are changing in his life, and some things that i want to change in mine.
and the whole time we stood there, i couldn’t see him.
all i could see, was this picture that was i was building without him even knowing it.
a moment in time that i didn’t want to forget. not because of who i was standing there with, but because of how awesome Richmond looked painted behind him.
and i kept thinking, i really should just take out my camera, and capture this.
“what if i move a little bit to the left? i could get the streetlight and the crosswalk at the same time that the traffic light turns green.”
“i could shadow him out, and have everything else lit up all crazy and cool.”
“gosh, it would have been neat to have captured that bike rider and catch the light from his reflectors.”
and don’t get me wrong, i was participating in the conversation. i really did genuinely care about what he was saying, but i couldn’t shake it.
and i didn’t do it.
i didn’t capture that moment, and i wish i had.
i think a lot of time my head and my heart relies too much on “what was”. the memories. the things that i’ve been through and the people that i’ve met and the times that we’ve shared.
and that’s not a bad thing.
i just don’t want my past, to consume me.
i don’t want to not be excited for what could be coming down the pike, because i’m so consumed with what has already happened. and the things that i’ve already done. and the places that i’ve already seen. and the people that i’ve already met.
but a moment like that, i should have pushed the button.
i should have gone for it.
so here it is, from here on out. i’m jumping. i’m letting go with reckless abandon and i’m living it.
i’m not just going to talk about it anymore.
i’m going to capture the images that strike me… even if it means stopping a conversation for a brief second. or pulling over on the side of the road. or looking like a fool.
i’m going for it.
literally and figuratively.
whatever it is…
bring it on!