an update on: fearless.

So I really don’t know how many people actually read this blog… and I’m okay with that. But, if you are reading this, you might remember that 6 months ago I chose a word. One Word. One Word for 2011.

Inspired by a blog i’ve read for a while now, Alece at www.gritandglory.com  encouraged us to pick a word for the year. A word to focus on all year long.

Alece writes: “Let it shape you, guide your decisions, and help you grow. And you’ll discover the big impact one word can make.”

My word is fearless.

It’s been 6 months since I chose my word.

a mile-marker.

I can certainly say that I love this word. I look at it literally everyday. It’s taped to my computer at work, it’s taped to my mirror in my bathroom at home, and I keep a copy of this picture in my bible.

It’s become a great part of my life… an encouraging reminder to not fear.

It’s not that I was “full of fear” before I set out on this journey. It’s just that some things held me back because I was afraid of what was going to happen in the end.

friends.

death.

insecurity.

change.

I have to be honest. I think change is the one thing that makes me the most fearful. I fear things being different, and my reactions to them. I don’t like it when friendships aren’t how they’ve always been. I don’t necessarily like when I have to do something I’ve never done before and I don’t know how it’s all going to come together.

I think making this word my own for these past 6 months has helped with that. I think that having this constant reminder that living in fear of these things is more paralyzing than the actual thing itself is a great way of giving my heart an opportunity to grow… and be real… and not be scared of getting hurt.

It’s loving someone when they don’t give you much of a reason to love them.

It’s being dedicated, when you feel there isn’t much to dedicate yourself to.

It’s understanding that you aren’t in control. Ever.

This word has given me a lot these past 6 months. If I find myself scared about something, or worried about the outcome, I’ve whispered it to myself many times as a simple reminder that I can do this. And that I’m not alone.

I posted it in the first post that I wrote about my word, but I want to share it with you again. Taylor Swift included her thoughts on being fearless in the sleeve of her album by the same name. I heard her perform her song “Fearless” while at the CMA Fest in Nashville a couple of weeks ago, and it was one of those moments where I knew she was singing it straight to me. It was a beautiful reminder to let go, and just be.

“To me, fearless is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.”

Here’s to the next 6 months, ya’ll! Let’s do this!!!

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