{whatever you’re doing inside of me.}

So, I haven’t been able to put words to what’s going on in my life/heart/head until this very moment. It’s a Thursday, I’m sitting in my office after a long day of meetings, and my Pandora is set to a quick mix of all of the artists I have chosen to listen to randomly.

It’s a beautiful thing when a song plays and it makes you stop in your tracks and listen.

I couldn’t have said it any better myself. Sanctus Real said it for me.

I don’t listen to them hardly at all. There are a couple of songs here and there that have struck my fancy over the years, and now, I can certainly say that this is one of them.

“Whatever You’re Doing (Something Heavenly)” by Sanctus Real

It’s time for healing, time to move on,
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long.
Time to make right what has been wrong,
It’s time to find my way to where I belong.
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me,
All I can do is surrender…

(Chorus)
Whatever you’re doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos somehow there’s peace.
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see,
but I’m giving in to something heavenly.

Time for a milestone,
Time to begin again,
Re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will,
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
So show me what it is you want from me,
I give everything, I surrender to…

Whatever you’re doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos somehow there’s peace.
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see,
but I’m giving in to something heavenly.
Time to face up,
Clean this old house,
Time to breathe in and let everything out,
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years,
Time to to release all my held back tears…

Whatever you’re doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos but I believe,
You’re up to something bigger than me,
Larger than life something heavenly.

Whatever you’re doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos but now I can see,
This something bigger than me,
Larger than life something heavenly,
Something heavenly…

It’s time to face up,
Clean this old house,
Time breathe in and let everything out…

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So, there it is. Laid out in Black and White. It’s time to surrender to what He’s doing inside of me.

It’s letting go of things that are holding me back.

It’s realizing that I am a new creation… everyday.

It’s understanding that there’s so much more to live for.

It’s breathing in everything all around me, and being a better person because of His sacrifice.

So, whatever is going on inside of me, whatever changes are taking place, it’s something heavenly.

I pray you realize that what seems like insanity in your life and head and heart right now, is really God just shaking up the puzzle pieces, and putting it back together, in a beautiful, heavenly sense.

And when it might seem like chaos, just remember, He’s bringing peace.

So, it’s time to face up… and let it all out.

Don’t just say… do.

an update on: fearless.

So I really don’t know how many people actually read this blog… and I’m okay with that. But, if you are reading this, you might remember that 6 months ago I chose a word. One Word. One Word for 2011.

Inspired by a blog i’ve read for a while now, Alece at www.gritandglory.com  encouraged us to pick a word for the year. A word to focus on all year long.

Alece writes: “Let it shape you, guide your decisions, and help you grow. And you’ll discover the big impact one word can make.”

My word is fearless.

It’s been 6 months since I chose my word.

a mile-marker.

I can certainly say that I love this word. I look at it literally everyday. It’s taped to my computer at work, it’s taped to my mirror in my bathroom at home, and I keep a copy of this picture in my bible.

It’s become a great part of my life… an encouraging reminder to not fear.

It’s not that I was “full of fear” before I set out on this journey. It’s just that some things held me back because I was afraid of what was going to happen in the end.

friends.

death.

insecurity.

change.

I have to be honest. I think change is the one thing that makes me the most fearful. I fear things being different, and my reactions to them. I don’t like it when friendships aren’t how they’ve always been. I don’t necessarily like when I have to do something I’ve never done before and I don’t know how it’s all going to come together.

I think making this word my own for these past 6 months has helped with that. I think that having this constant reminder that living in fear of these things is more paralyzing than the actual thing itself is a great way of giving my heart an opportunity to grow… and be real… and not be scared of getting hurt.

It’s loving someone when they don’t give you much of a reason to love them.

It’s being dedicated, when you feel there isn’t much to dedicate yourself to.

It’s understanding that you aren’t in control. Ever.

This word has given me a lot these past 6 months. If I find myself scared about something, or worried about the outcome, I’ve whispered it to myself many times as a simple reminder that I can do this. And that I’m not alone.

I posted it in the first post that I wrote about my word, but I want to share it with you again. Taylor Swift included her thoughts on being fearless in the sleeve of her album by the same name. I heard her perform her song “Fearless” while at the CMA Fest in Nashville a couple of weeks ago, and it was one of those moments where I knew she was singing it straight to me. It was a beautiful reminder to let go, and just be.

“To me, fearless is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. Fearless is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. Fearless is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. Fearless is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s fearless to have faith that someday things will change. Fearless is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s fearless to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s fearless to stop believing them. It’s fearless to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is fearless. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is fearless. Letting go is fearless. Then, moving on and being alright…That’s fearless too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is fearless.”

Here’s to the next 6 months, ya’ll! Let’s do this!!!

open hands.

“When a woman has a kingdom heart, she has an active understanding of what matters most to the heart of God. She lives in the balance of passion and contentment. She learns to love well, give without regard to self, and forgive without hesitation. The woman with a kingdom heart may have a duffel bag full of possessions or enough treasures to fill a mansion, but she has learned to hold them with an open hand. Hold everything with open hands. I don’t think we are ever allowed to grab hold of anything or anyone as though they matter more than the kingdom of heaven. When you hold relationships with open hands, then people come in and out of your life as gifts of grace to be cherished and enjoyed, not objects to be owned and manipulated. And then when you hold your dreams with open hands, you get to watch God resurrect what seemed dead and multiply what seemed small.”
– “A Beautiful Offering” by Angela Thomas
 
hold everything with open hands.
 
i’ve been so tired lately… mainly for good reasons.
i’ve been spending a lot of time with people who i’m building bonds with.
making memories with.
living life with.
 
and it’s been absolutely wonderful.
 
my heart has been so happy. i find so much joy in learning about other’s lives, and soaking in their wisdom and building relationships with people who are special.
 
i just recently went on a trip, (which i’ll blog more about later) and on the 5 hour drive that i had by myself, (after the 6 hour drive i had with someone else) i had a lot of time to think.
 
i’m not doing this right.
i’m not playing these cards right.
this hand that i’ve been dealt has been a good one, and because i’m often so concerned about filling my time with things, and people, and making memories…
…i’m missing out.
 
by my own standards, it might seem that my heart is in the kingdom.
but a lot of that is just going through the motions.
 
it’s playing the game.
 
but what does the game matter, if you don’t have the heart.
 
so here i am, letting go.
 
with open hands.
 
these relationships that i have with some of the best people in the world are truly amazing.
 
they really are.
 
and they’re in my life for a reason, and it’s an ordained time for me to be meeting new people.
 
but if i’m holding on to these things for dear life, then i’m missing just that…
…i’m missing the meaning of life.
 
so friends, i’m holding on to you with open hands.
because you are gifts of grace that i will always cherish and enjoy.
 
i hope, for both of our sakes, that you will hold on to me the same way.
 
and that together, we can find the meaning of life without distraction.
 
because life is too short, and too good to be anything else but awesome.
 
or happy.
 
 

crazytown.

Roll into town, step off the bus
Shake off the where you came from dust
Grab your guitar, walk down the street
The sign says Nashville, Tennessee
But I have found…
It’s a crazy town full of neon dreams
Everybody plays, everybody sings
Hollywood with a touch of twang…

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I can’t believe it’s finally here.

We’ve been planning for a LONG time. We bought tickets MONTHS ago.

And we waited.

And now we don’t have to wait anymore!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I’m heading to Nashville for the Country Music Festival. 65+ artists singing on 2 different stages for 4 days straight. It’s basically a dream come true. Country music has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I still have vivid memories riding in the van with my mom singing “Does He Love You” by Reba McEntire, and us splitting up the parts. And Reba will be playing this weekend! So many artists I’ve seen live before, but so many that I’ve only dreamed about. It’s going to be amazing.

It’s not the beach for vacation this year, but it’s something that I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do.

And it’s finally here!

So for 4 days, I will be sitting in a lawn chair, listening to music during the day on the Riverfront in Nashville.

And for 4 nights, I will be rocking out in Titans Stadium with 6 bajillion other people, singing at the top of our lungs and having a blast.

And it’ll be an awesome time to hang out with 2 of my best friends.

And explore a city that I’ve never been to before.

And make memories.

And take lots of pictures.

And enjoy being away from home.

I’m excited…

don’t miss me too much while i’m gone… i’ll be sure to sing for ya!

🙂

if i could do it again…

work today makes me feel like this:

because all i can think about is this:

and then for just a moment, i’m happy again 🙂

corey smith is playing at Friday Cheers in Richmond tonight.

i’m beyond excited to not only enjoy the concert, but also spend time with some pretty awesome people.

and the guest room at my new place is finally painted! when are you coming to visit? 🙂