shadows.

“Over time you’ve healed so much in me
And I am living proof
That although my darkest hour had come
Your light could still shine through
And though at times it’s just enough to cast
A shadow on the wall
Well, I am grateful that you shine your light on me at all…”

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what do you say in a moment like this…

when you can’t find the words, to tell it like it is. just bite your tongue and let your heart lead the way… -Reba

I don’t know how to put in words how my week has been. I feel like its been so super chaotic and busy, but I wouldn’t change a minute of it for the world. Except for the tired factor. I’ve been working, working out, connecting with old friends, doing this bible study, taking care of Chrysalis registrar stuff, getting ready to start teaming again, coaching, getting ready for a swim meet on saturday, and whatever else comes my way.

in the midst of the insanity, i can’t help but think about how thankful for where i am in life right now, and who i have in my life right now. it’s been so awesome catching up with 2 friends who i’ve always loved, but have spent some time away from. i think we’re finding who we are for each other again, and that’s pretty awesome. God brings people into your life for a reason and a season, and I’m thankful for this season of realizing that these 2 girls are incredible, and I need and want them in my life.

This weekend is going to be fun. Teaming on Friday night, swim meet on Saturday in Williamsburg, and then hanging out with Cliney and Josh and Laura and Gavin… some of my best friends from Bluefield. It’s always so awesome when we get to spend time together… they mean the world to me.

i have a valid excuse.

One of my stalkers (who shall remain nameless…!)¬†texted me today and called me out for being a slacker.

It’s true.

I have a valid excuse though.

I was in the wedding this weekend of one of my very best friends from high school.

It was a very long, yet very fun weekend.

And I’m still exhausted. But that will eventually go away. I’ll find my energy again and I won’t be yawning every 10 minutes and chalking it up to the fact that I still haven’t caught up on sleep from this weekend.

It will happen.

And I’ll get back into the swing of blogging everyday.

But for now, please know that I’m trying.

I had some really good applesauce this morning.

I need to drink more water in the course of a day.

I’m going to take a nap right after work and then make it up to the gym for a 7pm group workout.

No more excuses ūüôā

a typical thursday… or not?

Last night was pure and utter chaos. I left work and had a full schedule ahead of me. Home to change, Pedicure for the wedding, Bible Study, Swim Practice. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but it involved running all over town and of course I was thinking the whole time about how I was going to be missing the “new” episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Turns out it was a re-run, and once again, all is okay with the world.

I started a new bible study at Hope last night called Thrive. It’s an all women’s study that seems like it’s going to be pretty awesome. I had some apprehensions about getting involved, not because it was going to be all women, but because Thursday’s are kind of crazy in my life with 2 swim practices and what not. But after some prayer and talking to some other people, I forged ahead and signed up.

I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS STUDY! AND THIS OPPORTUNITY!

God empowers women in such a unique way. The energy and dynamic in that room was moving. We’re coming together for a study written by one of our own, and it’s called The Divine Pursuit. You can read more about the study (and Nicole, the amazing Hoper who wrote it!) here on her blog at http://www.thestubbornservant.com/the-divine-pursuit/

I’m sure I’ve read the book of Jonah at some point in my life. I’m excited about getting down to the nitty gritty of it’s 48 verses and really examining this servant’s heart as I learn more about my servant’s heart. I’m coming into the study with no expectations. I’m excited about meeting new people at my church, I’m excited to jump in head first into the belly of this whale and open my heart and mind to what God’s going to do in our lives through this study.

So I left Hope and stopped at Jimmy John’s on the way to swim practice. I walked in to get an unwich which is their typical sub without the bread… it comes in a lettuce (literally, not lettuce that’s been back into a wrap) wrap, and it’s life changing.

Little did I know that a poster on their wall was also going to change my life, and my way of thinking on this “typical” Thursday night…

The poster read:

I Believe that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I Believe that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I Believe that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by other. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe that no matter how bad your heart is broken that the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I Believe that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I Believe that you shouldn’t be eager to find out a secret.It could change your life forever.

I Believe that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe that you should always leave loved ones with loving well wishes. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I Believe that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe that we don’t have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.

I Believe that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe that you either control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, that passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I Believe that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones who help you get back up.

I Believe that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I Believe that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I Believe that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I stood there, in the middle of Jimmy John’s and cried… because as you¬†know, I’m a crier.¬†The guy at the counter probably thought I was a lunatic.

Those words, caught me.

I believe in a God who gives second chances. I believe in a God who is always there, whether we can feel, see, touch or hug him or not. I believe in a God who gives so much more to us than we ever deserve. I believe in a God who loves. I believe in a God who gives. I believe in a God who is master and creater of this beautiful universe that we call home. I believe in a God who calls His people to many things, and equips them to do His works. I believe in a God who cannot be contained, or fathomed, or changed. I believe in a God who has never left you, or me. I believe in a God who is the giver of life, the writer of beautiful love stories, and the divine pursuit of our hearts.

I believe in so many things, but most importantly, I believe that God’s got a plan for my life, and I trust that as I live my life, He’s revealing it to me. Day in and day out.

And as for Jonah, I’m ready.

And as for Jimmy John’s, I’m thankful.

And as for my¬†“typical” Thursday,¬†it’s over.

And a new day is here.

And new days will keep coming…

from a God who makes all things new.

[Amen.]

Day 19 – i’m really starting to hate these topics.

Today’s topic is supposed to be about a talent of mine. I’m not talented in anything worth writing about. So I’m skipping today too and writing about something else.

I just looked at my calendar, and the next free weekend I have is the very last weekend of March. So many things between now and then to do, and I’m excited about all of it. Swim meets, teaming Chrysalis, Boys Flight, Girls Flight, Bluefield for a night for basketball and to see my best friends, visiting Meredith and TJ in Virginia Beach (hopefully!), a wedding this weekend, Cliney coming in town for a weekend visit, housesitting for my cousin’s while my aunt and uncle go on a cruise, housesitting and keeping¬†my¬†9 year old awesome friend named Kyle¬†for my parent’s best friends while they all go on a cruise… and in the midst of all the chaos and craziness, it’s making memories. It’s living life for all its worth.

I’d complain if my calendar wasn’t filled to the brim with everything I have going on. I’d probably be bored. It’s so good to know that these next few weekends will be filled with not only insanity, but some fun along the way too. Seeing people I miss, making memories that I’ll always love. Serving along side some of the best people that I know. Working hard along the way… for so many things.

And no rest for the weary tonight… it’s bam bam bam jam packed schedule after I get off of work.

Does life ever grab you and take what seems like your all? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

Day 18 – Going Off Topic

Today’s topic is supposed to be about Your Wedding/Future Wedding/Past Wedding. I’m not in the mood to talk about that today. I’m in a wedding this weekend, and I’m extremely excited. Brittany was one of the first people I met my first day of school freshman year of high school. I was at a new school where¬†I hardly knew anyone. Everyone from my middle school went to Freeman, and there were only 10 of us from Tuckahoe because our neighborhood was sandwiched in between 2 zones. But anyways, Brittany is getting married this weekend and I’m a bridesmaid, and I’m extremely excited. She’s been planning this wedding forever, and I can’t wait to stand up there next to her as she marries her best friend. One day…

Today has been one of those days where I feel so scattered all over the place, that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to pick up all of the pieces and make it all work again. Life gets like that sometimes… and it doesn’t seem like it will be slowing down at all this week. I’m ready for it… bring it on!

Praying for a friend right now who’s getting ready to go through back surgery. Praying for another friend and her husband who are struggling with their dog who has cancer. Praying for another friend who is seeking God’s wisdom on entering a new relationship. Praying for a family friend who is considering a new relationship with Christ after a tough series of events in his life. Praying for patience, peace and blessings for so many people in my life.

Bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings You glory. And I know there will be days when this life brings me pain, but if that’s what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain…

Day 17 – An Art Piece

Dawson’s Creek. I love it. I think it was the first TV show I ever fell in love with. I was fairly young when it started on TV, but still, even in my much older and wiser days, I can really respect the story lines and am still in love with the whole Pacey – Joey – Dawson love triangle… or whatever you want to call it.

Anyways, in one episode, Joey is trying to organize a protest for something going on at the school. She’d been painting at one point, but it all kind of stopped when her life became crazy. (I can TOTALLY¬†relate!) Pacey sees all that Joey’s going through, and finds a way to help her find her passion again.

He rented her a wall.

In the middle of Capeside, he paid money to a business owner who had a vacant unpainted wall that faced an open field so that Joey could find her passion again on a grander scale.

He painted “Ask Me To Stay” on the wall.

It’s not a piece of art, per say… but it’s a piece of art to me.

The story behind Joey and Pacey’s rollercoaster relationship is one you can hang on to. She loves him. He loves her. And he wants her to ask him to stay. He could have painted an elaborate beach scene, or some awesome view of the stars in the sky. But instead, he poured his heart out onto a wall, for all to see… to convey what he really wanted in life.

I want a wall.

Day 16 (sort of) – A Song That Makes You Cry

I’m a crier. I don’t know if we’ve talked about this here in my blog, but if you know me at all, you’ve probably experienced it. It’s definitely not uncommon. Everyone (mostly) has the capability to produce tears, and while some of us use our tear ducts more often than others, I’m pretty sure I over use mine.

Crying is such a beautiful release. Whether its because of pain, or sadness, or something positive and happy, crying is an emotion in itself that sometimes just has to happen. If I know I’m long overdue for a good cry, I’ll pop in my favorite episode of Grey’s Anatomy… or watch a sad movie like a Walk to Remember or Simon Birch. There are some songs that can make me cry…

My Wish – Rascal Flatts

I have a lot of emotions that are attached to this song, for various reasons. It’s definitely in the running for the song I want to dance to with my dad for my wedding. It doesn’t always make me cry, but if it hits me at the right time, chances are the tears are flowing.

 

Day 15 (sort of) – My Dream House

Every one has a dream house.

A certain number of bedrooms….

A big cooking kitchen with an island…

A walk in closet in the master bedroom…

You can have your dream house. I just want a house… a house to dream in.

I am praying for a lot of things right now. God’s moving, and he’s going to continue to move in my life in ways that I’m not completely sure of yet. I don’t have to know, because He does.

If my life plays out like it does in my dreams, one day, I will own a house… with the man that God made for me. Both are things I dream about from time to time. Both are things I pray for and both are things that I am being patient for.

And we will have the number of rooms that are necessary for our family.

And we will have a kitchen that suits our needs, with an island.

And we will have a walk in closet big enough for our wardrobes and my shoes.

And that house, wherever it is, and whatever it looks like, will be filled with love. And happiness. And dreams.

So for now, I’ll spare you the details of what I would love for my “dream house” to be, but I will conclude by saying that I dream about having a house one day, and in that house, we will dream. And it will be our dream house.

‚ÄúKeep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.‚ÄĚ

failed already.

a friend borrowed my laptop this weekend.

wordpress wouldn’t work on my blackberry.

i didn’t post on saturday.

i didn’t post on sunday.

i missed 2 days out of my “blog everyday in 2011” challenge.

i’ll make up for it today and post twice… hopefully.

ughhhhh.