bittersweet symphony.

today is the last day of 2010. i’ve been trying to process my emotions regarding this past year all day long. it’s definitely been a great year… so many fun times, memories, trips and great experiences to speak of. i am absolutely thankful for those that are in my life, and for those who have made this past year an awesome one.

but i can’t help but think what’s next. there’s always that anticipation of what’s to come, and i certainly have no patience at all. but i’m trying. i’ll finish the overhaul of my room, i’ll put all of my clothes away, my shoes will once again be organized, my bookshelf will be in a different kind of arrangement like as it always is when i clean my room, and i’ll spend tonight with friends and family ringing in a new year.

a year that holds something big.

i was just texting with one of the people that i value most in my life, and i said to her:

“Do you ever have those feelings like something big is going to happen, but you don’t know what it is?”

I have no idea what 2011 holds. But it’s not my job to know. It’s my job to live this life and with God’s guidance, figure it all out along the way.

So here’s to 2011. And here’s to the start of my committment to blog everyday this year. Here’s to the ups, the downs, the good times and the bad. Here’s to my family and friends, and to yours. May we be blessed with good health, happiness and the means by which we need to live. May we be hopeful, joyful and patient for what’s to come. May we seek God’s will for why we’re here on this earth and may we live it out to the best of our ability.

‘Cause it’s a bittersweet symphony, this life…



i found my one of my old journals the other day.

(and if i had a super awesome camera, this is the part of the post where i might add some perfectly edited pictures of the journal that i’d taken for the blog’s sake, however, i don’t have a super awesome camera as of yet, so for now, you’ll just have to use your imagination.)

i’ve kind of been a self-proclamed “journaler” for a while now. i fell in love with the concept when we had to keep a journal for a youth group bible study back when i was in 7th grade. i have no idea where that one journal ended up, but i’ve had several journals since then. going back through them kind of reminds me of Brad Paisley’s song “Letter To Me”.

“You’ve got so much up ahead
You’ll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife (well, husband in my case.)
And I’d end by saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life…”

this particular journal that i found was from college. it was very interesting to go back and read through what i took the time to write about. most of it was laments about situations i found myself in. there was a page that had the list of people that attended my 21st birthday party… which i find absolutely hilarious because i remember sitting in the kitchen of the house that i was living in at the time, and with the help of some people who were in the room with me, we pieced together the memories that we had from that night and came up with 60-some people. there was an entry that was a prayer for a friend who was going through some medical issues. there was a letter to someone who i hope will be in my future. i could go on and on and on about the entires i found in that journal, but to sum it all up, life is way too short, and it passes you by way too quickly. i need every chance that i can get to remember what i love about every aspect of my life.

so, here’s my commitment. i am going to write on my blog everyday of 2011. whether it’s a quick post, or a long drawn out post that no one reads at all, i am going to write everyday.

so, the journey will begin january 1, and will continue on for 364 days.

hopefully, i’ll be able to add some pictures from an awesome camera that i will one day own. hopefully i’ll own an awesome camera one day, and i’ll know how to use it… and i’ll know how to edit pictures worth sharing. hopefully…

hopefully my life will be interesting enough to write about everyday.

maybe that’s another goal i should set for myself… 🙂

a beautiful memory.

We didn’t talk about anything heavy or light,

We were just there together, and that was enough…

{-Stephen Chbosky }

i had a very distinct memory come flooding back to mind this morning.

i absolutely love it when this happens.

it reminds me that i’m alive, and that i’ve had things happen in my life that are worth remembering.

and i’ve had people in my life who are worth keeping.

and my life is a beautiful story full of beautiful memories,

just like this one.

you might know who you are…

and if you do, i value your friendship and who you’re becoming.

you are wonderful, and i hope we get to spend another day out on the beach talking for hours sometime soon. i miss you all of the time!

sin and error pining.

O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,

It is the night of our dear Savior’s birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining,

Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices,

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! O hear the angels voices!

O night divine, O night when Christ was born;

O night divine, O night, O night Divine.

Truly He taught us to love one another;

His law is love and His gospel is peace.

Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother;

And in His name all oppression shall cease.

Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,

Let all within us praise His holy name.

Christ is the Lord! O praise His Name forever,

His power and glory evermore proclaim.

His power and glory evermore proclaim.




so, if you know me at all, you probably know that i really can’t stand christmas music. but for some reason this year, i cannot listen to the song “O Holy Night” without crying. i heard it for the first time this season when i was coming home from thanksgiving dinner, and there i was, driving a mini van on broad street, bawling my eyes out. and i know exactly why…


that song reminds me of christmas eve services at monument heights, which was the church i grew up in. (see, i can’t even start typing that sentence without my eyes welling up…) every year, without fail, dr. c would sing that song at the end of the service. we’d all be standing there with our candles held to the sky, and in that moment, every single year, i knew love at christmas.


i’m going to a different church now, (we’ll save that for another post) and this advent season, the sermons titles are taken from different lyrics in different christmas carols. this sunday, was “sin & error”, which is a lyric from this song. we sang the song during the offering, and of course, again, in a pew by myself, in the back of the church that i’m falling in love with, i found myself crying yet again because of all of the emotions and memories that i have tied to this song.


pastor david got up to preach, and he said some pretty powerful things that spoke right to my heart. he started talking about the lyric that says “long lay the world in sin and error pining”, and how our world is full of sin and error and wrong doings. but then, he focused on the lyric that follows that… the one that says: “til He appeared, and the soul felt its worth.”


He appeared hundreds of years ago, as a tiny baby, in a manger. He appeared to the broken, to the hungry, to the forgotten. He appeared on a cross, to die, for you, and for me. In all of the ways that He’s appeared, our soul’s have felt worth because of His presence in our lives.


That phrase for me, changed my entire mindset about Christmas.


My soul has worth… and I’ve felt it. Yes, there may be sin and error in the world, but I’ve got a savior. My heart is spoken for.


I pray that this Christmas season, and in all seasons of your life, that you truly feel that worth down deep in your soul. We all have a purpose. We were all created for something greater than ourselves, and this life is a gift, this moment that you’re breathing right now is a gift.


It would be a shame to waste it…



make a change.

life’s about changing. always has been. always will be.

and i needed a change. a new place to be creative. a new outlet to share my thoughts… with myself, with whoever reads this… with the world.

i don’t know what this blog holds for me. but i like the thought of another blank canvas, waiting for me to fill it up with hopes and dreams and wishes and fears and rants and raves and anything in between.

it’s about time.

enjoy this ride with me. it may be smooth, it may be incredibly bumpy, but no matter what it is, it’s my life. it’s my ride. and it’s my change.

always has been.

always will be.